Composing

I was teaching a student from my method book the other day and he played a Lullabye that I had written as an exercise. He played it very well and after I complimented him I casually mentioned how odd it seems to have a student play a piece of music that I had composed. I can’t say I was flattered because it was an assignment and he was just doing as he had been told. But it’s still pretty cool.

I’ve had other students learn and perform some of my other pieces before. There are a couple of pieces that I didn’t particularly care for when I wrote them that the students seem to like. That’s flattering when they continue to play them long after the assignment is completed. But I have to balance that with the songs that I wrote and really liked only to have the students show indifference or even a slight dislike for them.

Over the years I have learned that I am a horrible judge of what people like or dislike. I have often been surprised, both happily and unhappily, at their general reactions. When I first began to perform I was just playing music that was already popular so the guess work had been taken out of the process. And I always thought of myself, and the job, as a performer, not an artist. I wanted to please people.

I’ve been writing music for most of my life. Occasionally something turns out okay, but often it’s just not very good. Not necessarily bad, just kind of bland. That was terrible if I wanted to be a pop star. One of my problems is that I can’t write lyrics at all. My words were boring and insipid even by pop music standards. I couldn’t seem to get past “moon….June….and soon”. The obvious remedy would be to team with a wordsmith. But I tried that a few times and just couldn’t seem to make it work.

The next solution would be to just write instrumental music. When I focused on that, things seemed to get better. It turns out I can write a pretty melody from time to time. In my twenties I was able to compose music for some local commercials and a few documentary films. That was fun and I hoped I had a future in that, but it didn’t work out that way.

I was encouraged to write a guitar method book while in my thirties and so I started writing little exercises and etudes for my students. The goal was not to entertain, but to inform and train. My little ditties seem to work just fine.

I’ve continued to write music all these years but have written only a few that I share with others. The reactions are usually reserved and polite, but I plug along. Writing is just an itch that I have to scratch and I rarely give consideration to an audience. If something turns out nice then I might share it, but usually it just goes into a folder.

The other benefit is that I understand the process better so I can explain things to my students easier. I can honestly tell a student what the composer is doing, or trying to do, as we read the notes from the page. It’s also easier to spot a mistake by an arranger and make necessary corrections. Also it makes the process of arranging music for solo guitar much easier. So composing is not a futile activity. I just had to readjust my goals and take the “wins” as they came.

Still, when I hear someone else play one of my songs, I think it’s pretty cool.